is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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