I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
