And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
