I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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