just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
