you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
