he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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