It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
