This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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