just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
