omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
