I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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