I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
