Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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