Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
