p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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