having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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