He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
