I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
