Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
