dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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