Princesses don't give blow jobs
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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