Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
