I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
