this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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