if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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