Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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