Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
