blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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