I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
