let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
