I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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