there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
