this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
