Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
