Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
