The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
