shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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