He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
