There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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