Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
