Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
