I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
