a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
