Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
