So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
