I hate all girls vehemently.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
