i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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