I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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