is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
