Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
