I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
