Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
