Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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