im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
