Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
